My wants have become my needs

I want to sing a love song for you two embellishious artifacts of what the ADD jacket ain't.

I want to be Richard Gere and you guys be Julia Roberts at your window and I want to hear Roxette sing " It must have been love...but it's over now..." 

BUT IT'S NOT OVER NOW

Attend the: Keep Me Warm During The Winter fundraiser hosted by Antonio Berardi Himself...!

Stuffed Ricotta Zucchinis

 Some nice words, thanks Jonas.

If you are skinny dont read this.

After attending 483 weddings, engagement parties, post engagement parties, show off parties, pre post engagement parties, random parties, more wedding parties, and bar/bat mitzvah extravaganzas…so im quite familiar with dresses. I hate them, I hate shopping for them, and I hate its dry cleaning bill.
I heard of this thing called the “girdle” have you? Uh never used it…ya never…promise…but here are the

Top 4 and half reasons NOT to wear a girdle:

1.    If you're rear end is already flat as board, you will be the most unattractive female in the room being that the girdle will make you look like you just have no rear end at all. Not hot.

2.   Going to the bathroom…picture this: You’re wearing a gown and a girdle underneath and you have to pee so bad that your kidneys are about to shatter. You get all excited that you’ve finally made your way out of the meat market scene to go release your bladder of diet coke, patron and wine. You're in a confined stall, theres fabric everywhere, your hair is covering your face, ugh theres no toilet paper lefttttt... It will get messy in there.  Case in point: this is not the night to drink unnecessary fluids.

3.    You know when the girdle gets all annoying and it can’t stay put like an annoying 2 year old child? It keeps riding up and down up and down…and you can visibly see a fatty roll of fabric underneath your dress. You challenge yourself through the crowd to go the bathroom 13 times to pull it up. See...now you could be bustin' your moves on the dance floor letting the rhythm take you over with some potential suitors but no...you end up spending half your night in the bathroom adjusting a spandex gadget. While the lady in there managing the basket of blow pops and deodorant thinks you're insane. 

4.     OMG I forgot! Disregard the above. They now have those super cool girdles that can solve the above issue of back bacon made out of girdle fabric. What it is: two hoops sewed on the top back side of the girdle. You then insert your bra through those hoops and close the bra. Now my friend’s, this is the awkward part. You have to get your whole body through the closed bra and then straight into the girdle. It’s like and art. A stressful art. Picture yourself trying fit into a smart car when you’re Ruben Studdard. LOL. You may start sweating, pull a muscle, sprain your toe or worse- get a few kinks in your freshly blown out Kim Kardashian wanna be hair do . OH NO

BAM

PART DEUX OF THE MACHINELIKE GIRLDE: IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN …YOU GOTTA PEE.

There is actually a pee hole in the girdle, since clearly you can’t pull it down since its latched on to your bra. If you know what’s good for you, just risk getting a bladder infection and hold it in.

Who am I kidding? Forget this list and just and wear one...if you really know whats good for you

Happy Monday!

The bone chilling BIG BROWN PAPER BAG week.

Remember that scene in Mean Girls when Lindsay Lohan is in her school's lunchroom and she has a vision of all the people in there attacking each other like wildlife in Africa? Remember?...Great..now keep that scene in your head.


It's a  beautiful fall morning in EN Y SEE, and on my way to school I decided to stop by the "a.d.d" sample sale. I have heard so much fuss about this yearly formal gathering of shoppers buying four jackets to keep them warm during the winter. Yes, people need four winter jackets, didn't you know?
"Omg theres a line out the door, but its so worth it, the jackets are such a good price" Cool I said! I could use a new jacket this year. Fine. Lord was I wrong...so wrong, very wrong in fact that I would rather stay cold during the winter.
Is that Mean Girls scene still in your head? Moving on. I enter this showroom, and I get a bit frazzled...but still it wasn't too bad. Six minutes later, innocent me holding two ugly jackets, I witness people who are resembling Goro and Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat. I was petrified. Oh no...but it was getting more and more brutal, I did not think it would ... but it did. Women were fighting over these jackets as if they were so amazeballs, I was confused and alone.  I froze, froze so bad that I couldn't even find the exit. I decided to get my blood flowing again, and I saw a jacket on the floor that I may have liked. I picked it up, and this Asian woman was about to pounce on me as if I was a mouse and she was an oversized cat, she grabbed it from me and told me it was hers. Whatever, it was nasty anyways. I felt like Simba during the stampede when Mufasa came to save him, except I didn't have a Mufasa to save me. So, that was my cue to vacate the war zone, where survival of fittest was fully at play. Now that I think it out, this sample sale could be pure grade A entertainment...I may make a pit stop this year for a good laugh.

I didn't learn much at school that day...but what I did learn was to spend a few extra dollars and buy my winter jacket elsewhere. But hey, if your cut out to risk your eyeballs being extracted from your eye sockets, I applaud you!

Miss ex future Princess to Prince William takes London

I have many fetishes, and one of my many fetishes is old cute men with white hair who can put an outfit together without looking like Danny Tanner meets Santa Clause. Weird, one may think of this fetish..but I don't care.
I saw this adorably adorable Brit man chilling in front of Buckingham Palace, I liked his look and his body language...so I decided to snap a pic of him on my ugly bright blue camera. His wife saw me do this and started verbally attacking me and threatening to arrest me, I chose to run. Then she started running after me,  and the guards took a moment to stop guarding the queen,  AND THEY HELD THE MAD WOMAN DOWN...he he he just kidding (well the part about the wife only).


- Prince Harry ur just not as cute, sorry.


Cheerio!

Pears, Limoncello and Flashbacks

Ya, no seriously this person is not joking.
I call him the maharishi of bangles.


Meet Principe Soldano. Owner/manager/socialite/waiter of the most mouthwatering and finger licking restaurant in Florence, Italy. This food sanctuary is called La Giostra...but all the 20 pound stick figures studying abroad in Florence were only able to pronounce it as "jo-straw". Hahaha gotta love 'em.
Soldano is just so cool. You wanna know why he's cool?
He's Italian, he's out of his mind, he wears sweatpants to work, he's friends with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he wears a Moncler jacket tied around his waste in the summer (to feel the warmth of his mother). But he's not cool for one reason...that being he's wearing Abercrombie sweats. I don't understand, nor will I ever understand the infatuation Italians have with this dumb overpriced store. Moving on. First time you see this man, you think he's a fool, but no...he's kinda...but not. I wanna be just like him when I grow up. His outfits make you wonder... and I like wondering. Wouldn't you want to get to know someone who wears 483948392480235 bangles and rings every day? I highly suggest getting yourself a trip to Italy, (if you have not, GO NOWOWOWOWOWOW), and go meet this individual.
Over the hills and far away
Ciao!

Size 11. really?

Since my prepubescent years I have been scarred with the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a shoe lover -> big heinous monstrous massive titanic sized FEET. 11 is my number and apparently us size 11'ers are not worthy of enjoying what happens south of your ankles. Our size is always the first one to go because apparently our shoe size is "not common". Oh ya def. Obviously those beautiful pairs of Miu Mius are on sale at superfreakishlyamazing price and they have every size BUT MINE. You know, You just get used to this misery and you sometimes say to yourself, should I just go and buy those pairs of shoes from Geox or Aerosoles since they do have my size? But no...you come to your senses and stick it out. You raid every shoe website that is  on your Safari tab and it kind of becomes your side job. JOY TO THE WORLD.
A N Y W A Y S...my friend and I (who is a size 10) went to the 8th floor museum at Saks one day to do our usual drooling. Both of us tried on Chanel flats pretending we were going to purchase them. It was fun I must say, until the bored salesman had to literally yank them off my feet. They were like the fro to my yo. One day I will own them . YA HEAR! luckily they do make them up to a 42 woohoo.


So to conclude my sob story of being the hulk...to all my size 11 gals out there... I feel your pain (and ur desire to assassinate all size 7 and 8ers) but we will get through this!


To future designers who care!