Prerequisites of Being a Dashing Man: Part Three

This post is not going be about Persol sunglasses or Tod's loafers, not this time, my sincere apologies. Clearly you must know that those are not the only prerequisites that are required for a dashing man, I mean...all dashing men attend black tie events too. But for males there is only so much one could wear to be more ravishingly eye catching than the other. Moving on. While at a wedding this week, I did what I do best, I stared at males. I also stared at dashing male wannabes and did my usual evaluations. As the evening progressed...sadly I found myself having my own personal review session of what the guys were wearing. I know that sounds disgustingly sad and pretentious, don't hate me. Anyways, I noticed that a few males had put an extra effort to not look exactly the same as every other douche lord in the room. So then, I was like YO. "Hmmm...how's about the dude with the weird metal thing on his tie, the dude with velvet shoes, and the dude with the bad ass chain on his suit all make an appreance on my blog?" I carried on with this thought and proceeded to humiliate myself with my photography skills, once again, to slap you all in the face with an array of Victorian wedding male fashion FUN.

#1. The tie bar. Really meant to just keep your tie from flopping around...or it can be used to ad some pizazz to an uneventful black tie or some blah wedding getup. Hey, not every dude could pull this off...you've go to own that Urban Outfitters-cardigan-Seth Cohen swagger and listen to Death Cab. Cute-ish.

            

#2. BAM. Standing out like a sore thumb? I think yes.The classy name for that accessory chillin' there, there, THERE...take a close look, yes that's a called a "time peice", but we're just gonna call it a good old chain. Just add a top hat and a curly mustache to this ensemble, then we can call you Leopold and find you a Kate. None the less, kudos to you my friend. You rocked that three piece suit......and that douchey pocket square. You brave soul.

 

#3. Yes my friends, you are staring at velvet slippers. However, I like to call them gentelman loafers. I think this guy and the chain dude above went shopping together with Mozart, don't you? Any-who, those are not the traditional shoes one would see a guy wearing. That being said...these shoes are pretty dope, a little rough around the edges, but yet still a brave ass choice of wedding footwear. WORK IT MAN!

You see, you can all learn a lesson from these fine young noblemen. Us females, were just so tired of looking at the same old historical suits and shoes. We're bored to tears. 

Spice it up, nuff said.

Stay tuned for part four!

Presidental Week

In honor of our presidents...let us take a few minutes out of our self absorbed day and show some appreciation for our sexy presidents, or sexy president related people.

Thomas Jefferson, quite the Baldwin for his day. Sporting that whole Karl Lagerfeld swag.


Yeah, yeah, yes. We all know this man whore, aka JFK, and we all know he was hot. But you know who was hotter?

His son, his offspring, his fetus. JFK JR.

Aright. Enough about presidents, lets talk about this situation above. Now ain't he FOXY and luscious and bootylicious.

My apologies Barack Obama, you did not make the cut, nor will you ever. 

Rolling Stones or Rolling in the Deep?

IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN THE RIGHTFUL OWNER, ME. RUSTY AND CHIPPED ALLOVER. NEED IT BACK NOW.

LOVE,

ME.

A PERSON WITH A NAKED RIGHT INDEX FINGER. 

Spike-session.

After attending an "up and coming" designers whatever type of fashion show this week, I wasn't flabbergasted and my breathe was not taken way. This designer should not be up and they should most definitely not be coming. And, this was mainly because the clothes were fugly, the models were fulgy, the crowd was eh, and the collection reminded me of Conway. But that's besides the point. I'm here to tell you that spikes make my world go round. Spikes on men's shoes, however, make my world go rounder.

So, when I saw these on the most well dressed male there, I was like YO.

Your fellow chill piller here posing with a strangers shoes, completely habitual. Now my world is lookin' super round. This was my contribution to Fashion Week, oh and stealing some awesome bra tape from the gift bag. 

Neckwear At Its Finest

Meet Zarig.

She has several obsessions: fur coats, cheese, and most importantly having a scarf on her neck. Without fail, she will always be sporting a scarf. At all times. Morning, afternoon, and night. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. Silk or wool. Yada yada yada. Now my fellow chill pillers, take a look at how this chick exhibits her array of neck gear.

Yellow by day...

Yellow by night.

Scarfing down while wearing a scarf.

Always happy, always scarfing it.

She looks a bit down in the dumps at the Trevi Fountain of love...tie the scarf - tie the knot woman!

Raping the streets of Paris with dem scarves.

Dangling from trees.

This is how gracefully Zarig fastens her assortment of silk neck getup.

This is it, a drawer dedicated just for her neck paraphernalia.

Almost Great News!

According to the rumor mill...

 Adam Levine and his alleged prostitute of a girlfriend, Victoria's Secret model "Anne Vyalitsyna", have reportedly broken up!

 Well, if this may or may not be the truth...we can still hope, believe, anticipate and for love of God have AMBITION!...right?

Chim Chim Che-ree

Eff you, Celine.

Middle School.

Words that come to mind when I think of Middle School:

AWKWARD, ABERCROMBIE AND ACNE CREAM.

Most people I know, including myself, were not fond of this three year period of being a human being. You become weird, your friends become weirder, your friends start to smell weird and look unusual. If you looked considerably pleasant or appealing at this age, then consider yourself a blessed child of God. Middle school was a battlefield, or a fashion battlefield. Lets just say if you were a doormat with frizzy hair and a corpulent body, well then your life pretty much sucked. But if you were a Middle School betch or betch in the making, you were pretty comparable to warriors or barbarians, to say the least. In order to be considered "in with the crowd" you had own certain wardrobe essentials to make it through the halls of that combat zone we remember as "Middle School".

Nonnegiotable wardrobe must haves:
1. Abercrombie & Fitch. This store offered an array of ripped clothes at a ripped off price. But that didn't matter,  we would bring down our parents lives if they didnt take us there. A typical scene that would take place at that store: you want to buy a lime green hoodie with fringes and rips at whopping price of $75. Your mom starts barking at you as to why one would buy such an item and she starts kvetching about the loud music and that over sprayed perfume. Kicking and screaming. You've won. Because we were little prepubescent brutal savages.
2. Puma sneakers.
3. Juicy sweatsuits. Most jacked up priced velour pajamas...and for what?
All for that legendary "J". End reuslt: you have holes in your sweatpants where one should never ever see holes. 

Lesson learned: home school your children for Middle School.

Shoe Sob Story: The Continuation

OH the good old days when I used to be the same shoe size as this little pocket sized human. Shoes used fit me...shoes used to gracefully wrap around my feet and actually allow me to detect a sense of comfort. Little did you know shoes were even able to be big for me and I have failed to remember what that feels like. Well my friends, that's all in the past and you know what happened? Shit happened. Size 11 happened, my toes feeling crushed happened, pea-brained shoe buyers happened and waiting to hear the shoes sales person tell you that your size is sold out happened. 

This little fashionista in the making should enjoy every minute of her miniature feet now, in case the evil of all evils happens. Growth. Or maybe she'll turn out to have ordinary sized feet like 99.9% of the female population. Who knows what's in store for her.  

Today, when a shoe fits me it's equivalent to finding a 100 dollar bill on the floor. Yea.